Building Relationships When You're the New Instructional Coach

If you’ve ever been the new coach on campus, you know it’s a uniquely challenging situation, because your work depends entirely on other people working with you. And if you work with opt-in coaching cycles, it can be even more challenging. How do you get people to sign up if they don’t know you yet? Maybe there's never been a coach before. Maybe the last one left a complicated legacy. Either way, you're starting from scratch in the relationship-building department.

Because my husband and I had to move a lot early in his career, I've been the new coach on campus multiple times. Once I arrived at a school where teachers had just voted "work-to-rule" (a collective bargaining move where members agree not to complete work beyond contracted hours) and had just expressed a vote of no confidence in the principal. Not exactly ideal conditions for launching a new, opt-in coaching program. But with strategic relationship-building, that same school ended up with a coaching waitlist by the end of the semester and every semester after that. After replicating this pattern at several other schools under a variety of conditions and organizational readiness, here’s what I’ve learned works:

Understand the Landscape First

Before jumping into outreach, do some detective work:

If there's been a coach before: What was that experience like? Listen for patterns without turning it into a critique session about your predecessor. You need to understand what trust you're rebuilding and what conditions are present.

If coaching is new: What do people think an instructional coach does? Many teachers assume we're evaluators in disguise or that only "struggling" teachers work with coaches. These misconceptions need addressing. For example, in that work-to-rule context, I wore my union shirt frequently as a visual reminder that I was a teacher too. I was extra careful about emphasizing that coaching was opt-in, non-evaluative, confidential, and based on goals teachers had a say in.

Build Visibility and Credibility

Strengthen your ground game. Learn names. Smile at people. Ask how things are going. Share something great you’ve heard about them or their classes. When opportunities arise, connect to what teachers are sharing, and offer (but don’t push) with support: "I remember when my students did that and it felt like nothing was working... Would you like me to send you a resource that ended up helping?" or "I actually made a reference sheet for a similar challenge. If you'd like I'd be happy to share it."

Show up in shared spaces. Eat lunch in the workroom. Work in common areas of the school. Be present and available without being intrusive. Help in hallways during passing periods. 

Deliver value first. This should always be the case, but especially in the beginning, when you provide PD, it needs to be relevant and high-quality. End with an invitation to coaching related to the topic.

Partner strategically. If you're not already included, ask to join working groups or instructional leadership teams. Ask to meet with department chairs and grade-level leads who can help spread the word for how you can support or may even sign up for a coaching cycle.

Get creative with communication. Think QR code flyers in bathrooms, PD rooms, and lunch areas. The goal is to reach people in the in-between moments without becoming another email buried in a busy inbox

Reframe the Invitation

Eliminate "needs coaching" from your vocabulary and reframe it when you hear it. Reframing needs to be firm without being preachy. When someone says, “Have you connected with George? He really needs coaching”, you might respond with something like, “I think I know what you mean, but I’m a firm believer that everyone can benefit from coaching, since it’s really not about ‘fixing’ anyone. But no, I haven’t talked with George. Would you mind connecting us? It sounds like you have a better starting point of what he might find helpful.” 

We want to socialize the idea that everyone can benefit from working with a coach—just like professional athletes, musicians, and executives do.

Share your own experience. I tell teachers I was assigned a coach and was initially hesitant because I didn't know what it was like and needed my prep time. But my coach created a safe environment to ask questions and try things, treated me with respect, stayed focused on improving outcomes for my students rather than finding problems in my work. I grew tremendously with his coaching, and I've tried to replicate that experience.

Normalize the nervousness or trepidation. Many teachers feel uncertain about coaching. Acknowledge that this makes complete sense rather than trying to talk them out of legitimate feelings. Many teachers are rightfully skeptical of another thing that is putting demands on their time. Let teachers know you will always respect their time by keeping work focused and by asking for feedback along the way on how to make the experience as useful as possible.

Work With Administration Thoughtfully

When administrators aren't used to having a coach on the team, give them examples and even language for how they can support. Bring up scenarios where they might suggest coaching: "When you give feedback to teachers or when someone mentions wanting to try something new, you could suggest they reach out to me for support as part of their implementation plan."

Be transparent about confidentiality. Both admin and teachers need to understand what is and isn't shared. I had a principal tell their team jokingly, but truthfully, “No really, she won’t tell me what she thinks of your teaching. Believe me, I’ve tried to trick her into letting something slip, but she really won’t tell me.”

Identify Influential Connectors and Build Rapport With Them

Listen and observe: Whose room do people hang out in? Who speaks up in meetings? Who are the union leaders? Who do people genuinely like and respect?

You don't need to get pulled into politics to be perceptive. Ask administrators too—they usually have insights about relationship dynamics.

Build Momentum Through Social Proof

Once you have a few coaching partnerships, ask if those teachers would be willing to share their experience in a staff meeting or provide a brief testimonial for school communications. Nothing beats hearing from a trusted colleague that coaching was actually helpful.

This, of course, means you're doing what you need to do to ensure you're learning and refining your practice to provide an impactful experience.

Manage Your Timeline

This process takes time, but stay strategic, open, consistent, and persistent.

You're not just building sign-ups. You're building a culture where professional growth and collaboration are valued. That foundation will serve your school long after you've filled your coaching roster.

What strategies have worked for you when building coaching relationships in a new context? I’d love to hear from you.

Also, if you're looking to refine your practice, I'd love to have you join The Coaches' Circle!

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